A Northerner’s Observations of the South: Two Contrasting Ways of Life

by Nicole DeNaeyer 

Born in Manhattan in 1966 and raised in the suburbs of New York City, my aunt Ann Marie Thornton spent most of her youth in the North. It was not until after college that she got her first authentic taste of the South, working in Fairfax, Virginia, alongside people from West Virginia. “I can remember those ladies, with their Southern accents. They’d drive an hour, 60 miles, in from West Virginia. They drove their trucks, and they lived on dirt roads, and that seemed very different. So I find it pretty funny that 20 years later I have a truck and live on a dirt road!” (Thornton).

In 1992, Ann Marie and her family moved to San Antonio, Texas, and ten years later they moved to Vass, North Carolina. From her time spent living in Texas and Vass, Ann Marie has come to discern the distinct differences between the ways of life in the South, and those she observed growing up in New York. The main contrasts in culture that she has experienced were those of religion, food, people’s appearances, and attitudes.

Ann Marie was raised Irish Catholic but, attending elementary school in New York, had classmates who came from many different backgrounds and, therefore, had many different religions. In the South, Catholicism is not particularly prevalent, and Protestant Christianity is the more widespread. Ann Marie found it interesting at first that, for example, in the South a person would simply say "Christmas break," whereas in New York she was accustomed to saying winter break or the holidays. “You were always aware that there were people around who were different and had different points of view, and you’d be polite about that. And then I realized that people weren’t accustomed to growing up with different points of view” (Thornton).

In San Antonio, Ann Marie worked at St. Phillips College, a historically black school with a strong Baptist influence. People said grace before every meal and prayers before every reception, and that was something new for Ann Marie. “If you were going to have cookies and juice, someone would say a blessing. That was different to me, even having gone to a Catholic college, I felt like it was really noticeable” (Thornton). In general, Ann Marie found that the way that people talk about religion and incorporate it into their everyday lives is certainly different in New York than in the South. Another interesting experience for her was people inviting her to their church. “It’s meant totally as a complement, but it’s like ‘no, I have a church and I have a system’” (Thornton).

Growing up in the 1970s, it was the time of the women’s movement: moving away from objectification, beauty queens, and Miss America. So as you can imagine, Ann Marie was shocked when someone told her that her daughter was very pretty and she should enter a beauty contest. “It was hard not to laugh. It was bizarre to me, and I think a beauty contest would almost be a put down in the North. It would mean that someone was frivolous or vain, but that’s totally different here, and in no way did they mean it as a criticism of my daughter” (Thornton).

Ann Marie has also observed that Southern women certainly put a lot of effort and care into their appearances. Even just dashing out to the grocery store, the women put time into getting ready, whereas in New York, you just dash out to the store as you are. A funny experience for her was being at a polocrosse tournament where people camp in their cars and are around horses all day. Yet all the ladies were wearing mascara! It was something she didn’t expect to encounter at tournaments here in North Carolina, considering it more of a Texas stereotype. “People like to get their nails and hair done, and dress their best to meet whomever when they go out” (Thornton).

“If you think of a stereotypical New York shopping interaction, New York is known for the ‘whaddya want?’ sort of direct, straight to the point, brusque, no eye contact, that sort of thing. But you don’t typically find that in the South. If you go to a restaurant, it’s “What’ll ya have, Sugar?” (Thornton). This difference in people’s friendliness and attitudes was a pleasant change for Ann Marie. She observed that transactions in the South tend to be friendlier, slower, with more polite talk, and people use words like “sugar” or “sweetie” – words which in the North are not really used unless referring to a sweetheart. There is also an interconnectedness in the people here. Ann Marie remembers that when she worked at Sandhills Community College. If there was a bad news or something in the paper, chances were that one of her students would know the person involved or know their family. “That may be more small town than Southern, but that’s true” (Thornton).

Cooking is an integral part of life here. People cook different things for all occasions, and they cook them from scratch, whereas in New York, people pride themselves on knowing where to buy the best foods. When she was growing up, both of Ann Marie’s parents worked, so not everything was made from scratch. She considers that to still be part of who she is and what she does. She remembers once telling a Southern friend that she didn’t have time to bake dessert when her parents were visiting her, so she went and bought something instead. “She said, ‘Oh, I would have baked a cake for you,’ and that was nothing I expected to hear, but I found it so funny that my friend was like ‘I can’t believe that you would serve Harris Teeter cake when you could have something homemade” (Thornton).

Here the values surrounding cooking are definitely different than in New York. People adhere to traditions, eating the same meal every year for certain holidays, and not straying from that. Ann Marie was attending a friend’s New Year’s brunch one year when they had collards, hambone, and black-eyed peas. The peas are eaten for good luck in the New Year, something that Ann Marie had never heard about. She remembers her friends were mildly shocked when she told them she had never had black-eyed peas before, and furthermore had no traditions for New Year’s Day!

Because Ann Marie’s grandparents emigrated to the US from Ireland, most of her extended family’s food traditions are Irish, and “old country” dishes.” She grew up in New York surrounded by other families, where the kids her age were also only second-generation Americans. “Most of my Southern friends, their families have lived here for a long time, so their traditions are more Southern, more so than in New York” (Thornton).

These differences in culture are something that I, as a European, have also observed in my short time in the South. I found it extremely interesting to listen to Ann Marie’s stories about her experiences here and compare them to my own. While the North differs from the South in many ways, both cultures are unique in their own ways.

Work Cited 

Thornton, Ann Marie. Personal interview. 13 Sept. 2013.



Note: Nicole A. De Naeyer lives Southern Pines, NC, and is studying for an Associate's in Arts degree at Sandhills Community College. She is a native of Rotterdam, The Netherlands, where attended an American school.

A Community

by Mistie Jo Williams

On any given day you can walk up the five creaky wooden steps that enter Brown’s Hardware, and find several “old timers” talking over an ice cold glass bottled Coke and a pack of nabs. When any question arises that no one knows the answer to, at least one of the men says with confidence, “Ask David Wilder.” I grew up coming to Brown’s Hardware in Mount Gilead, North Carolina, with my dad who has been the manager for twenty-one years, and three years ago I started working there myself. Southern culture is more than a southern drawl, fried chicken, and sweet tea. Southern culture is about the history of the people who live here.

Old timers still discuss topics of the day
at Brown's Hardware in Mount Gilead.

David Wilder, the man with all the answers, was born on December 10, 1928 in Mount Gilead. His father, a native of Wake County, moved to Mount Gilead when he worked for Norfolk Southern Railroad. His mother, a native of Mount Gilead, was the daughter and granddaughter of Confederate soldiers. In 1923, his parents were married, and his father then worked for the Cotton Seed Oil Company. After working there until the early 1930s, David’s father opened Wilders Gas and Grocery where his mother would help his father. 

When David started school, about 60 students were in the first grade. David’s original graduation year would have been 1946, but with the addition of twelfth grade he finished with twenty other students in 1947.  Most of the students who dropped out had to leave to help their families with farms or were drafted to war. Education was not something that his parents forced him to continue with; his dad completed the only third grade, but “you would never know with his great business sense,” he said.

The main floor of Brown's Hardware
   has everthing that you need.

Meanwhile, World War II was ending after years of devastation and millions of deaths.  At this time David was a sophomore in high school and his older brother was fighting in the war like many of his classmates. But a few short years after David graduated, he was drafted to go to the Korean War in 1951 and stayed in until 1953. This is the only time that David actually left Mount Gilead for a long length of time. David trained in Minnesota, and he could tell that the dialect was different compared to the South, but while in Korea he served with people from all over the United States. During his time in Korea he says, “They had a different way of looking at things, but maybe I was the one that was different.”

Only a friendly store saves space for
 local kids to place checkers.

I asked David since he has lived in the South for his whole life if he noticed any major cultural changes since he was a kid.  His response is said with passion, “Yes, I do. It was much better when I grew up. I know that schools were segregated, but we were not segregated as a community.” David as a kid lived in a community that was predominately black. They and the white kids all played together. He and two brothers would ride bikes around town because back then they didn’t leave town that much. David says that it is hard for him to understand the differences from then and now. Today white and blacks do not communicate with each other as much as they did then, and there seems to be more tension now.

Mistie Jo Williams handles several
 tasks at the store on a part-time basis.

Most southerners cannot tell you what makes them southern. Being southern is like the southern drawl -- it’s just a part of who we are. But what makes us southern is our heritage, our family, and our community. The sweet tea, fried chicken, and southern drawl are just extra benefits.

Work Cited

Wilder, David. Personal interview. 13 Sep. 2013.

Note: Mistie Jo Williams lives in Candor and is completing the requirements for an associate’s degree at Sandhills Community College. She also works part-time at Brown’s Hardware in Mount Gilead, NC.

The Years Have Changed

by James A. McRae

Long gone are the days of old — the events that happened in the 1960s have paved the way to the future. My mother, Joyce McRae, has painted a picture of the years that she lived and how life have changed.

In 1953, Joyce was born a fourth child of seven of Isabella and Alexander Armstrong. She endured the life of a cotton-picking child, and she had chores that had to be done before any type of recess activities. Washing dishes and washing clothes were among the chores that she had to complete -- washing clothes was a chore in itself.

“You had to scrub the clothes on the washboard to remove any stains and then put them in the washing machine which was located outside. For the spin cycle, the clothes were picked out of the washing machine, one by one and fed through a feeder and then hung out to dry on a clothes line,” she said. “The times have changed a lot because we are used to indoor machine technology and the washing machines and dryers are indoor and everything is done by the machine.”

The schools were integrated when she was in the ninth grade. “People used to look at you weird because you were on their property. Cliques were formed. I was in a class of about one or two blacks. Racism was still prevalent all around,” she said. There was very strict rules for the dress code, and we are still debating the effect of dressing inappropriately in this century. “Boys had to wear undershirts, no hair hanging below the collars, shirts had to be tucked in -- girls had to wear skirts at least three inches below the knee, no exposed skin, no pants, which meant girls froze in the winter,” she said. Times have really changed.

My mother explained how some stores made black people wait in line, and prejudice was prevalent. Signs were put up for “no public restrooms.”  Racism was not as bad here as it was deeper in the South.  “Restaurant waiters and waitresses seemed to overlook a black patron, or it took a long time to be served,” she said. Quotas came into play, and the job market had to be somewhat fair in the hiring process. They had to hire so many blacks to meet a quota.  The service draft was also enacted during this time, and many blacks were called to duty. She said that the black workforce was majorly made up of military personnel, custodians, maids, and service personnel. They did not have access to high paying jobs such as managers or others with high responsibility.

According to my mother, the biggest effect from the March on Washington was that a lot more hate was exposed. The blacks became more outspoken, and they felt like they had the right to many freedoms and values. When James Brown came out with the song, “I’m Black and I’m Proud,” the song was played all of the time by many blacks.  It gave blacks more courage to stand up for themselves, even though they got the evil eye from white people.

This year we celebrated the fiftieth anniversary of the March on Washington. Many blacks say that we have made many advancements over the years, but some black people say that we have not overcome. My mother said, “I think that we have made great strides as I never thought that I would see a black president in my lifetime. But I think progress is trending!”

Work Cited

McRae, Joyce A. Personal interview. 14 Sep. 2013.



Note: James A. McRae of Aberdeen, NC, is a culinary student at Sandhills Community College.

How Times Have Changed

by Maren Ward

The year? 1927. The date? December 27. That was the day Doris Belcher was born in Kimball, West Virginia. Doris is my wonderful grandmother. More fortunate than most at the time, she grew up in a large two-story home with her parents and one younger sister. Life seemed simpler then. Without much technology children did more to create their own fun. Religion was a greater deal then; people aren’t as committed now. Most of life has become more technologically advanced; however, these changes are for better and for worse.

The coal mining center of 
Kimball, WV, in 1935

Television always makes fun of the elderly. Shows have characters tell stories of walking 10 miles in the snow to get to school. Well, my grandmother actually did walk across town through inclement weather to get to school. She remembers walking over bridges, creeks, and a few hills every morning, but in West Virginia no one expected any less. At this point everyone who could go to school would. The schools were very small. This one, in particular, was a little square building holding classes for grades one through nine. After graduating ninth grade, one would travel several miles by bus to get high school everyday.

Kimball, WV, in 1963

A child growing up in the American South couldn’t be picky. Children needed to be creative and use the resources they had. As small items were significantly cheaper, kids were usually spending spare change on an ice-cream soda. Doris and her friends would each find ten to twenty five cents and see a movie on the weekends. Candy ranged from one cent -- my grandmother refers to these as “penny candies”-- to five cents usually. Selling old milk bottles was how they would obtain their money. The main form of technology was the radio. When a good show would come on the radio, it was normal for all the youngsters to gather round to listen. Otherwise, considering this was mountain area West Virginia, children would make picnics and hike up the small mountain areas for fun, much different from today. However, one precise memory my grandmother had intrigued my interest. “There was a tree outside my window. My girlfriends and I would climb out the window, on to the roof, and sit there picking and eating cherries,” she said. Without phones, iPods, and tablets, life was fine; in fact, I honestly believe it was more fun!

Many people from that generation would agree that religion was, and still is, very important to most families. Parents were very strict in keeping the day of the Sabbath sacred. No one cooked or cleaned, and children didn’t go out on most Sundays. No movies, no trips to the store, nothing! Concerning punishment with these subjects it was very brutal. If children didn‘t do what was expected, they were punished. Typically, parents were not afraid to spank their kids. My grandmother, trying to preserve her old family traditions, rarely goes out or cooks on Sunday. Most southerners in this generation were raised being very religious and well mannered. As a result, their children are raised just the same.

“Things have changed, but I like some of the changes,” she told me when asked how times are different and if she believes it to be beneficial or not. “Television, washing machines, dish washers, are all good changes. I just will never understand computers and what they do,” she concluded with a small giggle. The South has progressed a lot since my grandmother was raised in Kimball. Listening to some of her stories I wish my friends and I went on picnics together after buying “penny candies.” Times are different, but it’s all a part of growing up. We southerners need to pass down our experiences and traditions so they may live forever.

Work Cited

Belcher, Doris. Personal interview. 5 Feb. 2013.



Note: Maren Ward is pursuing an associate of arts degree at Sandhills Community College. She plans to transfer in fall 2013 to UNC-Charlotte or Elon University.

A Reaper of What She Has Sown

By A. Michelle McLeod

When you think of the South, what comes to mind?  Do barbeques and pig pickin’s come to mind? Do fried foods come to mind? Southern churches with long-winded preachers? When I think of the South, I remember my own experiences, places I’ve visited, people I’ve met, and television shows I’ve watched that poorly depict the South. I live in Vass, NC, that has lots of dirt roads and dead ends. The neighborhood where I’ve lived for many years has barely any traffic, and only the main road is paved.

When I was a child around the age of two, I began sneaking from my home that was down a hill on a dead end dirt road to my neighbor’s home across the paved road.  In my small town, no one thought twice about a child being harmed by a stranger. No one was a stranger. No one needed to include a last name when referring to someone who lived in Vass. Doors were kept unlocked all day and night. Years have passed and my former neighbor often tells me stories of things I did as a child, and we laugh at my innocence and curiosity. Neither my neighbor nor I knew at the time of my childhood that we would come together years later in a different setting.

On February 22, 1945 in Dunn, NC, a child was born to Lilly Yates, aged 19. The child was named Mary Elizabeth Yates. Shortly after Mary was born, her mother developed tuberculosis and died. Before her death, Lilly requested that Mary be adopted by her best friend. In those years, family members and friends could be appointed guardian of a child without any brows raised or any questions asked. It was assumed that a relative or a close friend would take over guardianship in the event that the birth parents were not able to do so. Mary’s adopted mother didn’t have any children so Mary was an only child. Mary’s adopted mother worked as a housekeeper where she cleaned, cooked, and cared for a child the same age as Mary. The family Mary’s mother worked for was a white family and although the family had no black neighbors or friends, the family treated Mary and her mother no different than their own race. Mary and the child her mother cared for played together while Mary’s mother cleaned and cooked.

At age six, Mary’s adopted mother was no longer able to care for her so Mary was sent to live with her maternal grandmother in Southern Pines, NC. Mary was heartbroken but eventually grew to like the new living arrangement. A young girl four years Mary’s elder also lived with Mary’s grandmother. The young girl’s mother had also passed. The two girls grew fond of each other and soon referred to each other as sisters. Mary’s grandmother was a very religious woman with strict rules. As a teenager, Mary and her sister were required to work in the local cotton and tobacco fields. Mary also worked as a babysitter to many families. It wasn’t unusual for a young girl to babysit. Work came as a priority over school. The school Mary attended was segregated. The grades ranged from K-12. In the South education wasn’t as important as providing for a family. Even though school started in August, Mary and other students didn’t attend until harvest season was over in late September to October. The teachers understood and would never count any of the missed days against the students whose families made them work in the fields.

No matter what the season, Mary had to tend to the family’s food supply. The family’s food supply consisted of hogs and chickens. The hogs were fed slop and fattened up with table food and other scraps and later became the main course for Sunday dinner. The chickens laid eggs that were used for breakfast and used in many delicious dishes. Many families in the 1950s often had to find other ways along with working to provide food for their household. Mary’s family owned a garden which harvested corn, okra, peas, string beans, lima beans, tomatoes, watermelons, and peanuts. As Mary’s school age was coming to an end, her grandmother allowed her to date, but she still had to abide by strict rules. Mary later married, but her jobs still consisted of working in tobacco fields and gardens, and raising chickens and hogs. Field workers had to work from sunup to sundown with an hour or less for lunch.

Mary always attended church, was involved in many programs, and was a member of the choir. Mary always felt like she didn’t fit in with the other children who were more promiscuous because of her religious morals that were reinforced by her grandmother. Mary continued to feel the same well into her adult life and approached her pastor. She was taken under her pastor’s wing and later was ordained as a minister. After obtaining the position as a minister for a few years, Mary was ordained as an elder and began to preach at various churches around NC. After being ordained as a pastor a few years, Mary felt that it was time she spread her wings and establish a church of her own. Being down-to-earth and having a kind heart was what made many people draw near to Mary. Mary’s Christian faith and morals were what Mary continued to cling to no matter what obstacles she had to face, and many wanted to learn what it was that made her steadfast and unmovable. Many wanted to learn how to be like Mary. Mary was ordained as an apostle after being a pastor of her own church for eleven years.

I have been a member of Mary’s church for a little over a year. Along with the Bible lessons, life lessons are also included in many sermons. I have learned a lot from Mary about hard work and faith. I have learned that faith and work go hand-in-hand. Many people don’t think about what earlier generations had to endure just to have food on the table. Many people, including myself, have never experienced working the fields, gardens, and hog pens. Interviewing Mary gave me a new insight and respect for her and earlier generations’ hard work and faith that hard work will eventually pay off.

Work Cited

Kelly, Mary. Personal interview. 24 Jan. 2013.



Note: A. Michelle McLeod, who lives in Vass, NC, is pursuing a degree in medical office administration at Sandhills Community College. She also is employed at Peak Resources Pinelake in Carthage, NC.

Livin’ Down South in the Land of the Pines

by Jordan Beck

“It was so safe. You never had to worry about crime, and no one thought about child abductors.” As Gayemell Shepherd’s sweet southern draw serenaded my ears, my mind floated back to the early 1960s when she was growing up in Sanford, North Carolina. An idyllic life of happiness, the American Dream, and strong ties to the South hovered in my consciousness like a honey bee over a magnolia flower. Such was the life of the then Gayemell Campbell, born in 1956 and raised in Lee County. The mother of my best friend since the day I moved to West End, NC, from Freehold, New Jersey, in 2004, no other woman besides my own mother ever took such good care of me. In a life defined by strong southern roots, the end of segregation and subsequent integration of African Americans, as well as the evolution of culture, Gayemell’s life paints a picture of what it means to be a Southerner.

The daughter of a farm-boy turned soldier turned chemical salesman, Gayemell Campbell grew up in a comfortable neighborhood. She recalls always being outside, as “there was more play than now where technology’s screwed up so much.” Whether it was spending a quarter for a cone at an ice cream truck, fishing with cane poles, or riding bicycles through clouds of mosquito-killing DDT, Gayemell described a childhood free from worry. “It was a much simpler, helluva lot easier life,” she said with a smile. Of Scottish descent, the Campbell family has deep ties to the land. The farm Gayemell’s father grew up on remains the family’s today. Recipes were passed down by the women, as were china, crystal, and silver. Gayemell still recalls getting her first Mix Master and learning how to make a pound cake. Food was a key component of life, “with extra salt and butter” she said with a grin. Chicken and dumplings, pound cakes, grits, fried chicken, collard greens, biscuits, and potato salad were staples, yet canning was equally important. Without freezers, picking green beans and preserving them was the norm.

Life, however, did not stay so idyllic, especially as segregation ended as the effects of the Civil Rights Movement reached Lee County. When integration began in 1968, her eighth grade year, Gayemell recalls the rioting of both blacks and whites. “It was a very uneasy time,” she said, “Whites didn’t like blacks, but blacks didn’t like being there either.” She remembers the more volatile students sharpening their belt buckles to use should a fight break out. Graffiti was everywhere. It was “scary as a 13 or 14 year old,” she stated. Yet, over time, things started to change. Athletics paved the way and while “tension was always there, it became the exception rather than the rule [to fight]. There were still groups who were volatile, but with athletics, it was better for victory together than victory apart” (Shepherd). The realization that integration was not going to change also moved things along. “You had to get used to things,” mused Shepherd, “but you always looked over your shoulder for those who had an axe to grind.” In truth, it wasn’t the students who had a problem in Shepherd’s experience, but rather the parents. Gaymelle’s husband Dale, also a native North Carolinian, interjected, “As student body president in high school, my vice president was a good friend of mine and an African American. He was a great baseball player, and while we were friends in school we never saw each other outside. It just wasn’t possible.”

After graduating from Greensboro College and working as an exceptional education teacher in Goldsboro, Gayemell Campbell moved to Moore County and married Dale Shepherd, a Wake Forest alumni. They had their first child, my future best friend, Talmadge, a year later in 1994. The changes to life were drastic, most notably with technology. Yet Shepherd mentioned her sadness at a part of life grown increasingly rare as time’s passed: visiting. “Every Sunday after church you’d get in the car and ride without seat belts to a friend’s house. You visited. You made homemade ice cream and sat on the churn while someone cranked.” Gayemell and her family try to keep a similar tradition going, and the Shepherd household continuously buzzes with other people. More changes to life revolve around the church. “There were fewer churches back then, but fewer conflicting activities too. You’d always get together for lunches and parties there with all your friends,” she reminisced, “now there’s so much that gets in the way.”

While the modern world certainly has its differences from Sanford, North Carolina circa 1960, one thing that won’t change anytime soon: the people. In Gayemell’s words, “It’s the people that make the South the South. The hearts of the people. You know your neighbors and you depend on each other.” That’s what it means to be Southern. You can eat all the collard greens, biscuits, and pound cakes you want, but if your heart lies outside the South you aren’t a Southerner. After all, home is where the heart is.

Work Cited

Shepherd, Gayemell. Personal interview. 6 Feb. 2013.

Note: Jordan Beck, who grew up in New Jersey, is pursuing an associate of arts degree at Sandhills Community College. He plans to transfer in fall 2013 to N.C. State or UNC-Chapel Hill.

The American South: A Sense of Community

by Mary Lamb

The South is not simply a geographical region; it is an animated history lesson with roots deeper than the wild fig. The culture is one of honor and pride. Most importantly, the sense of community in the South has created a unique region that has not been replicated, based on the travels of my new friend, Adrian Harper. To gain a deeper understanding of the culture in the South, I need look no further than across the table at lunch to receive first-hand accounts that explicitly articulate the uniqueness of the region. My history lesson was portrayed through the life of Adrian. Listening to the stories of his life was pure music to my ears that gave me a confirmation of why I am raising my own children in the South.

Blue Ridge Mountains

Adrian was born and raised in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. As he recounted stories of his life, I got an entirely new perspective of life in a community. After serving in the United States Navy for twenty years, it was the purity of the people that called Adrian back to the American South. He and his wife, Odessa, chose to spend their retirement years in North Carolina. The South is saturated with small towns and neighborhoods that emulate the stereotypical idea of a close-knit culture. The pride of being a Southerner is a unique trait, and the melody of his words filled my heart like the sugar in sweet tea. Adrian explained that “with people in the South, they’ll tell you what they think to your face, but in the North and the West, they will be all smiles until you turn your back” At first I took offense, until I realized that he wasn’t putting down my Northern heritage, but rather attempting to educate me on his love for the Southern culture and a love for the sense of community.

Emancipation Proclamation

The sense of community is shown in large gatherings and intimate family affairs. It is a sense of oneness that radiates through the entire Southern region. When Adrian told me the story of his great grandfather becoming a free man after the Emancipation Proclamation, the fact that he took on his master’s name and remained employed by him was a great example of the sense of oneness and unity in this culture. Adrian did not speak with any negativity or animosity when recounting the events of his past. Instead, he tenderly shared information with dignity, in spite of the hardships created by slavery and segregation. I recognized his optimistic attitude as another illustration of a Southern gentleman.

In the foothills of North Carolina where Adrian and Odessa grew up, a certain tone was used in rearing children. The idea of “it takes a village to raise a child” could have been the motto in Southern neighborhoods, as the people easily bonded in a unique manner. Adrian illustrated this by saying, “It didn’t matter whose parents caught you doing something wrong. They would take it upon themselves to grab a switch and teach you a lesson.” This same principle held true with mealtime for when food was on the table; whoever was around was welcome to eat. Hospitality of the South was exactly as portrayed in the saying “Come a stranger, leave as family.”

The best cooks include a little fatback
to add flavor.

In the South Sundays were special days for social and family gatherings. After attending church services, people would congregate on the lawn and make plans for afternoon activities. Adrian explained that church members took turns hosting the pastor and his wife for Sunday dinner. Delicious fried food is a staple in Southern gatherings. In the North, much cooking is done with vegetable oil, but in the South food is fried in “fatback.” My Northern roots left me stunned as Odessa explained that “fatback” gives the food its flavor. She said, “I loved just frying it up until it was crispy.” Although the Southern tradition of frying “fatback” until it was crispy may sound foreign to some Northerners, it was not foreign to me. During my father’s childhood, he would fry the fat from bacon, sop the grease up with a slice of Wonder Bread, and fry the bread until it was crispy. Some styles of preparing and eating food overlap from region to region. However, when gathering together to eat a meal, one must be in the South if livermush, black-eyed peas, cornbread, and fatback-fried chicken are the main entrees.

Meals are more than eating food in the South. Meals are opportunities for deeper lessons about life. The Southern culture holds respect in highest regard. The concept of respect is more significant that “yes, sir” and ‘no, ma’am.” Respect is preached to children from birth and children are taught to respect one another. Adrian told me of the times when the pastor and his wife came to Sunday dinner. The children were expected to show respect toward the adults and the parents showed respect toward the children. Adrian’s father expected the children to eat what was prepared for their guests. “It doesn’t matter if it’s the President of the United States at the table; my children will eat at the table next to him,” explained Adrian. This example illustrates a beautiful sense of honor that his father had for his children. This story emphasized both the idea of respect and equality for all people. Possibly, this concept dates back to the freedom of slaves in the South, as Adrian mentioned, several times, the idea of separate, but equal. The people of the South have been deeply affected by this concept. It is as if a slow, melodic rhythm beats within their soul and perpetuates the values of each person rooted in the South.

Respect, equality, and a close sense of community truly portray the special qualities of Southern culture that remains alive today. The deep historical roots of the region have created an area of the United States that deserves to hear songs of praise. Whether it is clans of neighbors who watch out for one another or folks gathered around the Sunday table, the people of the South have formed a culture of purity and unconditional support for one another that can be recognized throughout the world. I am honored to raise my children as true Southern people.

Works Cited

Harper, Adrian. Personal interview. 1 Feb. 2013.

Harper, Odessa. Personal interview. 1 Feb. 2013.



Note: Mary Lamb, who grew up in Michigan within French-Canadian and Polish cultural connections, is pursuing a nursing degree at Sandhills Community College.