A Northerner’s Observations of the South: Two Contrasting Ways of Life

by Nicole DeNaeyer 

Born in Manhattan in 1966 and raised in the suburbs of New York City, my aunt Ann Marie Thornton spent most of her youth in the North. It was not until after college that she got her first authentic taste of the South, working in Fairfax, Virginia, alongside people from West Virginia. “I can remember those ladies, with their Southern accents. They’d drive an hour, 60 miles, in from West Virginia. They drove their trucks, and they lived on dirt roads, and that seemed very different. So I find it pretty funny that 20 years later I have a truck and live on a dirt road!” (Thornton).

In 1992, Ann Marie and her family moved to San Antonio, Texas, and ten years later they moved to Vass, North Carolina. From her time spent living in Texas and Vass, Ann Marie has come to discern the distinct differences between the ways of life in the South, and those she observed growing up in New York. The main contrasts in culture that she has experienced were those of religion, food, people’s appearances, and attitudes.

Ann Marie was raised Irish Catholic but, attending elementary school in New York, had classmates who came from many different backgrounds and, therefore, had many different religions. In the South, Catholicism is not particularly prevalent, and Protestant Christianity is the more widespread. Ann Marie found it interesting at first that, for example, in the South a person would simply say "Christmas break," whereas in New York she was accustomed to saying winter break or the holidays. “You were always aware that there were people around who were different and had different points of view, and you’d be polite about that. And then I realized that people weren’t accustomed to growing up with different points of view” (Thornton).

In San Antonio, Ann Marie worked at St. Phillips College, a historically black school with a strong Baptist influence. People said grace before every meal and prayers before every reception, and that was something new for Ann Marie. “If you were going to have cookies and juice, someone would say a blessing. That was different to me, even having gone to a Catholic college, I felt like it was really noticeable” (Thornton). In general, Ann Marie found that the way that people talk about religion and incorporate it into their everyday lives is certainly different in New York than in the South. Another interesting experience for her was people inviting her to their church. “It’s meant totally as a complement, but it’s like ‘no, I have a church and I have a system’” (Thornton).

Growing up in the 1970s, it was the time of the women’s movement: moving away from objectification, beauty queens, and Miss America. So as you can imagine, Ann Marie was shocked when someone told her that her daughter was very pretty and she should enter a beauty contest. “It was hard not to laugh. It was bizarre to me, and I think a beauty contest would almost be a put down in the North. It would mean that someone was frivolous or vain, but that’s totally different here, and in no way did they mean it as a criticism of my daughter” (Thornton).

Ann Marie has also observed that Southern women certainly put a lot of effort and care into their appearances. Even just dashing out to the grocery store, the women put time into getting ready, whereas in New York, you just dash out to the store as you are. A funny experience for her was being at a polocrosse tournament where people camp in their cars and are around horses all day. Yet all the ladies were wearing mascara! It was something she didn’t expect to encounter at tournaments here in North Carolina, considering it more of a Texas stereotype. “People like to get their nails and hair done, and dress their best to meet whomever when they go out” (Thornton).

“If you think of a stereotypical New York shopping interaction, New York is known for the ‘whaddya want?’ sort of direct, straight to the point, brusque, no eye contact, that sort of thing. But you don’t typically find that in the South. If you go to a restaurant, it’s “What’ll ya have, Sugar?” (Thornton). This difference in people’s friendliness and attitudes was a pleasant change for Ann Marie. She observed that transactions in the South tend to be friendlier, slower, with more polite talk, and people use words like “sugar” or “sweetie” – words which in the North are not really used unless referring to a sweetheart. There is also an interconnectedness in the people here. Ann Marie remembers that when she worked at Sandhills Community College. If there was a bad news or something in the paper, chances were that one of her students would know the person involved or know their family. “That may be more small town than Southern, but that’s true” (Thornton).

Cooking is an integral part of life here. People cook different things for all occasions, and they cook them from scratch, whereas in New York, people pride themselves on knowing where to buy the best foods. When she was growing up, both of Ann Marie’s parents worked, so not everything was made from scratch. She considers that to still be part of who she is and what she does. She remembers once telling a Southern friend that she didn’t have time to bake dessert when her parents were visiting her, so she went and bought something instead. “She said, ‘Oh, I would have baked a cake for you,’ and that was nothing I expected to hear, but I found it so funny that my friend was like ‘I can’t believe that you would serve Harris Teeter cake when you could have something homemade” (Thornton).

Here the values surrounding cooking are definitely different than in New York. People adhere to traditions, eating the same meal every year for certain holidays, and not straying from that. Ann Marie was attending a friend’s New Year’s brunch one year when they had collards, hambone, and black-eyed peas. The peas are eaten for good luck in the New Year, something that Ann Marie had never heard about. She remembers her friends were mildly shocked when she told them she had never had black-eyed peas before, and furthermore had no traditions for New Year’s Day!

Because Ann Marie’s grandparents emigrated to the US from Ireland, most of her extended family’s food traditions are Irish, and “old country” dishes.” She grew up in New York surrounded by other families, where the kids her age were also only second-generation Americans. “Most of my Southern friends, their families have lived here for a long time, so their traditions are more Southern, more so than in New York” (Thornton).

These differences in culture are something that I, as a European, have also observed in my short time in the South. I found it extremely interesting to listen to Ann Marie’s stories about her experiences here and compare them to my own. While the North differs from the South in many ways, both cultures are unique in their own ways.

Work Cited 

Thornton, Ann Marie. Personal interview. 13 Sept. 2013.



Note: Nicole A. De Naeyer lives Southern Pines, NC, and is studying for an Associate's in Arts degree at Sandhills Community College. She is a native of Rotterdam, The Netherlands, where attended an American school.

How Times Have Changed

by Maren Ward

The year? 1927. The date? December 27. That was the day Doris Belcher was born in Kimball, West Virginia. Doris is my wonderful grandmother. More fortunate than most at the time, she grew up in a large two-story home with her parents and one younger sister. Life seemed simpler then. Without much technology children did more to create their own fun. Religion was a greater deal then; people aren’t as committed now. Most of life has become more technologically advanced; however, these changes are for better and for worse.

The coal mining center of 
Kimball, WV, in 1935

Television always makes fun of the elderly. Shows have characters tell stories of walking 10 miles in the snow to get to school. Well, my grandmother actually did walk across town through inclement weather to get to school. She remembers walking over bridges, creeks, and a few hills every morning, but in West Virginia no one expected any less. At this point everyone who could go to school would. The schools were very small. This one, in particular, was a little square building holding classes for grades one through nine. After graduating ninth grade, one would travel several miles by bus to get high school everyday.

Kimball, WV, in 1963

A child growing up in the American South couldn’t be picky. Children needed to be creative and use the resources they had. As small items were significantly cheaper, kids were usually spending spare change on an ice-cream soda. Doris and her friends would each find ten to twenty five cents and see a movie on the weekends. Candy ranged from one cent -- my grandmother refers to these as “penny candies”-- to five cents usually. Selling old milk bottles was how they would obtain their money. The main form of technology was the radio. When a good show would come on the radio, it was normal for all the youngsters to gather round to listen. Otherwise, considering this was mountain area West Virginia, children would make picnics and hike up the small mountain areas for fun, much different from today. However, one precise memory my grandmother had intrigued my interest. “There was a tree outside my window. My girlfriends and I would climb out the window, on to the roof, and sit there picking and eating cherries,” she said. Without phones, iPods, and tablets, life was fine; in fact, I honestly believe it was more fun!

Many people from that generation would agree that religion was, and still is, very important to most families. Parents were very strict in keeping the day of the Sabbath sacred. No one cooked or cleaned, and children didn’t go out on most Sundays. No movies, no trips to the store, nothing! Concerning punishment with these subjects it was very brutal. If children didn‘t do what was expected, they were punished. Typically, parents were not afraid to spank their kids. My grandmother, trying to preserve her old family traditions, rarely goes out or cooks on Sunday. Most southerners in this generation were raised being very religious and well mannered. As a result, their children are raised just the same.

“Things have changed, but I like some of the changes,” she told me when asked how times are different and if she believes it to be beneficial or not. “Television, washing machines, dish washers, are all good changes. I just will never understand computers and what they do,” she concluded with a small giggle. The South has progressed a lot since my grandmother was raised in Kimball. Listening to some of her stories I wish my friends and I went on picnics together after buying “penny candies.” Times are different, but it’s all a part of growing up. We southerners need to pass down our experiences and traditions so they may live forever.

Work Cited

Belcher, Doris. Personal interview. 5 Feb. 2013.



Note: Maren Ward is pursuing an associate of arts degree at Sandhills Community College. She plans to transfer in fall 2013 to UNC-Charlotte or Elon University.

The Acadian-Cajun Connection

by Norman Leger

On a sunny spring day at Fort Bragg, NC, I walked over to the supply office to procure new parts for the radio I was recently forcefully assigned. I met Private First Class Boudreaux, and for the first time in 2 years of southern residence, someone pronounced my name correctly. I stared in shock, and I asked him how he knew how to say my name. His response -- that lots of people in Louisiana are named Leger -- carried me on a search through my family’s history to understand why.

As early as 1605 the first Acadians came to North America. Though it is now Canada, no distinction was made at the time. Food was plentiful and friendships were made between the natives and the maritime (Acadian) French settlers. For over 80 years Acadians enjoyed a relatively quiet life in the new world. During the French and Indian War, over 11,000 Acadians were removed from their land and forced south. A large number of these Acadians started a new life in Louisiana -- they are known as the Cajuns. William Bethea, my neighbor and friend who grew up in the heart of Cajun country, helped me to understand the cultural similarities and differences between the separated families of Acadians and Cajuns.

Many factors of Acadian culture stood the test of time and remain integral parts of Cajun culture. From William’s testimony I learned that the Catholic Church remains the epicenter of Cajun culture. In fact, the jurisdictions (known in most states as counties) of Louisiana are called parishes due to the strong Catholic influence. Attending mass (church) on Sunday when I was young was required. I also attended Catholic school until the sixth grade. Until the early 1900s, Cajun children spoke a variation of Acadian French. However, the Compulsory Education Act forced Cajun children to attend school and learn to speak English. For example, my grandfather was taught English in grade school. Prior to school, Acadian French was the only spoken language in his home. In Cajun culture, family elders are revered and respected. The same is true with my family. My grandfather’s word was law. No decisions were made in my family without concern for how he felt.

Some aspects of Cajun culture did change. These changes can be seen through food and music. Large amounts of spices are added to Cajun meals along with regionally grown meats and vegetables. William invited me to eat some gumbo he made. When he handed me a bowl, all I could focus on was the green chunks of foreign substance at the surface. The green stuff turned out to be okra. After overcoming the visual shock of the dish, I found it quite delicious. The styles of dishes served in Louisiana hold a stark contrast to the dishes served in Acadian Canada where most meals are very bland. With music, the introduction of the accordion excelled Cajun music into its own form. By placing the accordion as the central instrument, zydeco (Cajun) music separated from its northern Acadian roots.

Much of the Acadian-Cajun cultural background stood fast when confronted with separation and time. The items that did change seem to be associated with the Cajun’s new surroundings after the Great Expulsion. The culture insights of William Bethea, my friend, and his childhood surrounded by Cajun culture have helped me learn more about the rich cultural heritage of the American South.

Work Cited

Bethea, William. Personal interview. 6 Feb. 2012.

Note: Norman Leger is pursuing an associate in scirence degree at Sandhills Community College. Although he lives now in Raeford, NC, he grew up in Massachusetts with cultural influences of Acadian French ancestors.

Back Then

by Allison Strohacker

I always wondered how different life was when my dad was raised in the South compared to my experience thirty-two years later. I always wanted to know what it was like in the “good ol days.” When I sat down with him for this interview, he told me about school, being raised in the South and what has really changed since the 1960s.

My dad, Allen Buie, was born on April 23rd, 1955 in Vass, NC. My grandparents Johnnie and Irene Buie were both raised in Moore County. He has two brothers, both born and raised here. One lives in Carthage and the other in Michigan. He and his brothers were raised in the same house grandparents live in now. The house my dad was raised in is five minutes from mine. “In the South, many people don’t go too far from home.”

In the 1960s, he attended Vass-Lakeview Elementary School. The teachers were strict and used a paddle. According to him, they were not shy about using it and when a student was sent to the principal he wasn’t afraid either. At school, one teacher taught every subject until you were in the sixth grade. Just like many of the schools at that time Vass was an all-white school. However, when my dad was in the fourth grade three African-American girls were enrolled in his class, and he can still remember their names.

My dad was raised that you respect yor elders. They were older, wiser and always had the best stories. Dad said now elders aren’t considered any of these aspects. He said there isn’t really a respect for anything like there used to be. Sunday used to be a day of respect. Sunday was God and family day. He thinks now people are too busy and fast-paced. He notices that back in the day people moved more slowly. He said it seems like time moved slower, especially in the South; you waited and were patient. There was no instant gratification. “When it happened, it happened.” Nobody knew what it was, but when it happened they knew.

Next, we talked about how time spend during summers has changed. My dad worked in tobacco every summer from age five-eighteen. At first he started working on my great-grandfather’s farm in Cameron. He said that’s what you did in the summer. Nobody sat in front of the TV and played video games. You worked. “If you weren’t working in the fields, you were working on your grandpa’s farm.” Now in the South you don’t see any children working in the fields or farms.

Next, he told me the major differences he has seen between his generation and mine. At first when I asked him so what’s so different about the South, he said, “Everything!” First, the family unit has changed. When he was growing up, there was a mom, dad and children. There were no single moms or teenage moms. Also, family time was valued. Children loved spending time with their family. Now it seems like we can’t get away from them fast enough. Another difference he saw were children these days. When he was young, he spent all his free time outside. No matter what -- children were outside. No one sat inside on beautiful southern days and watched TV. “There were only five channels anyways.”

During this interview, I learned how different it was when my dad was raised in the South compared to my experience just five minutes down the street. I also learned that there are lessons that I was taught that my grandfather taught my dad. I learned that the South has changed drastically. The schools have changed, the way families are built was changed and the way children play has changed. I also learned that there are a lot of Southern customs that still hold true today and will for many more generations.

Work Cited

Buie, Allen. Personal interview. 6 Feb. 2011.

Note: Allison Strohacker, who is from Vass, NC, is majoring in early childhood education at Sandhills Community College.

Times Ain’t What They Used to Be

by Donna Stephens-Johnson

Well, of course it was the election of our first African American President Barack Obama!!” exclaimed Mrs. Dorothy Milam, when asked the most memorable and historic moment of her life time. Born December 3, 1927 in Macon, North Carolina and having recently celebrated her 83rd birthday, Mrs. Milam was happy to talk to me about her southern roots and delighted in the thought of being interviewed for my class assignment. My interviewee had lots to talk about in our conversation which lasted over an hour.

Mrs. Milam is the mother of a very close friend of mine, who I’ve known for over 13 years. She said, “Growing up in the South was hard work, and what I remember most is the field work.” The Great Depression was a very bad time she recalls, and she remembers the destitute families from cotton mill towns carrying their personal belongings in tattered suitcases and boxes coming around begging for food and shelter. “You was always willing to feed folks if you had it to spare,” Mrs. Milam said as a matter of fact. “It was what you did back then.” She was raised learning to plant, harvest, can, preserve, and store food to eat through the winter. The work consumed most of her time when she was a little girl. According to her, folks don’t appreciate the process of preparing food like they used to. Mrs. Milam believes a lot of the illnesses people suffer with today is because of their poor diet and eating habits.

“Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,” she replied when asked her favorite subject of the Civil Rights Movement. She remembered the names of the Greensboro Four, the black civil rights activists at North Carolina A&T State University. Franklin McCain, Joseph McNeil, Ezell Blair Jr., and David Richmond took seats at the segregated lunch counter of F.W.Woolworth’s in Greensboro, N.C. on February 1, 1960. They were refused service and sat peacefully until the store closed. They returned the next day with more students until finally in July Woolworth’s integrated all of its stores. “These actions helped to get the Civil Rights Bill passed,” Mrs. Milam said proudly.

She worked alongside her mother and grandmother in the fields. As a child most all the foods eaten were grown from gardens, either their own or from someone else’s farm they worked on. In the summer time they would plant butter beans, potatoes, collards, corn, watermelons, tomatoes, okra and peas. “Back then you would throw them [peas] up in the air from one pan to another to blow the trash out. Some of them pickers was so good, they wouldn’t let nary pea hit the ground.” She said you were expected to pull your weight and got a lickin’ when you didn’t. Mrs. Milam’s favorite chore was picking peaches, apples, blackberries and pecans because you could eat as you picked. She chuckled after making this statement. Staples on the dinner table back then were peas, beans, cornbread, biscuits, and molasses. The molasses was made from ground sugar cane, which made the juice for making the molasses. If you had a cow to milk [like they did], you’d strain the milk until it was firm to make buttermilk or churn it up and down with a wooden churn until it became butter. They had no refrigerator, so the milk was put in jars and then taken to the spring to keep cool. Few people had ice boxes back then. Children would be a lot better off if they ate like they did back then, if they were taught how to work together and help one another. The family used to sit around the dinner table and share conversations with one another.

When she wasn’t in the field working, she was going to the mournin’ bank to pray on Sunday while sitting on the mournin’ bench. They would have revivals in the afternoon on into the night, an all-day affair. She got her religion when she turned twelve years old. It was a first Sunday in August down at the creek, when Reverend Samuel Clanton baptized her. Mrs. Milam loves to sing and praise the Lord. She loved attending the revivals because they lasted all day long. She attributes most of the problems with the youth today with not having enough of the Lord in their life and parents not taking the time to discipline them about the importance of hard work.

Traditionally her mother and grandmother did the day work of chopping cotton with a hoe. All day long you would chop for a meal or lunch. The adults were paid 75 cents per day. The "younguns" were paid 50 cents per day. Folks took that money and bought food to plant for the winter. ‘Baca seeds came up in spring. As she got older, her responsibility was to help break the top off each leaf one by one, so it would mature. Harvesting ‘baca was not one of her favorite things to do because she had to work fast and keep up. She said when you didn’t, you got a "lickin'." Any adult could hit you back then for not doing what you was "‘sposed to."

I asked Mrs. Milam what she missed most about those days growing up. Without hesitation she said, “The children are different today. They didn’t steal and kill like they do now days. Back then you could go home leaving the door open and nobody would bother you.” Mrs. Milam paused for a second and then said, “A young person talking disrespectful to elders was never even considered back then. As a child, when you saw an elderly person, you immediately acknowledged that person by speaking first, but not anymore. Today, young people don’t speak to people. It’s sad.” Mrs. Milam was an only child who missed not having any brothers and sisters growing up. She loved her grandmother dearly and misses her to this day. Her favorite foods are butter beans, corn and cornbread. “Nobody could make cornbread like my grandmomma!” she said.

Her final comments were on how she thinks our children are lost to life, hard work and faith in God. Back then you could get around and not worry about being hurt by them (youth), but it’s different today. As a little girl she could walk through the woods and only have to worry about the snakes. On that point I had to agree. Times surely ain’t what they used to be. “Things have changed during my lifetime in ways I never thought possible, though not all of it bad. I never thought I’d live to see the day when we would have an African American president either, Lord knows not in my lifetime.”

Work Cited

Milam, Dorothy. Personal interview. 30 Jan. 2011.


Note: Donna Stephens-Johnson, who lives in Carthage, is majoring in message therapy at Sandhills Community College.

My Southern Hero

by Deborah S. Burris

As children, we all had our heroes. Some heroes were real, and some were fictitious heroes we watched Saturday mornings on television. Nonetheless, we cherished our heroes and loved them with all our being. Heroes give a young person someone or something to idolize. For me, that person is my grandmother, Bridget Jenkins; to this day, I still consider her my personal hero. My grandmother lived through World War II, the Civil Rights Movement, desegregation and, of course, probably the most trying—my youth. I never realized she was my hero until I grew up and learned to appreciate everything that she had gone through in order for me to flourish. I admire her for everything that she has endured and I thank her for teaching me to be who I am and not to try to be someone I am not.

My grandmother was born Bridget May Elliott on May 3, 1934. A midwife delivered her; as Granny says, “Hospitals is where you went if you had money.” She was the seventh child of nine born to my great-grandparents Matthew and Josephine Elliott. Although once she married, she and her family lived in the surrounding counties; my grandmother spent the majority of her life right here in Moore County, North Carolina. Growing up in a large family my grandmother learned the true meaning of sharing, she says. “We were by no means rich, but my papa worked at the sawmill, and my mama stayed home with us kids.” My grandmother told me she remembers that when she was small, everyone had a job—no matter how small—from taking care of the chickens to feeding the pigs to tending the garden. “We all had chores to do around the house. We grew our own food. We ate lots of vegetables, [but we] also had pigs and chickens” -- a smile formed on her face as she continued -- “a long time ago we had some ducks and guineas too.”

My granny worked around the house and helped her parents, but that was not her only job. She tells me that she was very young when she first started working, although she doesn’t give a specific age, and her first job was working in a tobacco field. “As far back as I can remember, it was handing ‘bacca at the ‘bacca barn.” My grandmother rarely uses slang during our talks. “I don’t know if there were more of them [whites] or more of us [blacks] working back then.” Grandma goes on to tell me about her education. Although her mother stayed home with the children and it was not common for young black children to get a proper education, my grandmother attended school up to the tenth grade when she met and married her first husband, my grandfather. “Most of our education we received at home from Mama. We learned the Bible first and foremost.” Being from the South, religion is a big part of who my grandmother is. She stated, “Mama read the Bible to us kids every night,” which is probably why my grandmother instilled deep religious beliefs into her children and grandchildren. Granny does not soon let us forget that we live in the Bible Belt.

I wondered what development in the American South had the greatest effect on my grandmother because she is African American. I thought for sure she would say segregation or the Civil Rights Movement; however, to my surprise, she said World War II. “It affected everybody. My oldest brother Fredrick was in the war. I had a brother over. . . .” She sank back in her seat a little and then continued, “Other than that it really didn’t affect me.” Grandma was only about five when WW II began. “Except for having a brother over there. . . I mean the war did affect everybody, but I was worried about him.” My grandmother always speaks so highly of her brother Fredrick, and I have a great respect for him, although I did not know him. I asked her if segregation had a big influence on her life. She answered with an emphatic “No.” I was surprised. Grandma Bridget straightened in her chair and then looked me directly in the eyes. “I don’t remember segregation being such a big deal like some people talk about it being. We lived in a mostly white neighborhood, but it was no big hullabaloo.” Grandma went on to explain that blacks and whites all worked together, the kids played together; at the end of the day, the blacks went to their houses, and the whites went to theirs. Listening to my grandmother, I found myself transported back in time. I could see the younger kids playing and the older ones priming tobacco.

Finally, I asked my grandmother about the most important lesson she had learned in her youth that she passed down to her children. Cocking her head to the side, she looked at me and said, “Education and common courtesy come first. Always be courteous and get your education.” Then she grinned, showing all of her teeth, and finished with, “Also, keep your mouth shut and listen. You’ll learn more that way. Y’all talk to too much; nobody just sits and listens anymore.” Heeding Grandma Bridget’s advice, I kept my mouth shut and listened as she went on to say that education is the most important goal a person can have. Although she went to only the tenth grade in high school, she later got her GED, attended college, became a nurse, and retired nearly fifteen years ago. I remember my granny being especially tough on me when I was in high school, and at the time—like any teenager—I resented it, but now that I have children of my own, I understand exactly why she did and said what she did. “Nobody can take your knowledge away from you. Once it’s in here,” she pointed to her temple, “it’s yours and nobody can ever take that way.”

At age 76, my grandmother is such a wealth of information, and I feel truly blessed that she has allowed me to share in her knowledge and, as a result, I can pass that knowledge on to my children. I can see my Southern heritage in my grandmother’s eyes when I visit, and I hear it in her voice when we talk. She is my connection to the past and the gateway to my future -- a past I have only read about in books, yet she brings it to life for me with her childhood stories. She did not live the exact same history as what we generally learn in school; her life is unique. I never realized when I was younger that the most influential person in my life was not someone most kids would think of as their hero. Growing up in the South my heroes were Bo and Luke Duke, Wonder Woman and The Six Million Dollar Man. Now that I am grown up, I realize that my grandmother has had the most positive influence on my life.

Work Cited

Jenkins, Bridget. Personal interview. 9 Sept. 2010.


Note: Deborah S. (Debbie Burris), who lives in Aberdeen, NC, is a journalism major at Sandhills Community College where she is pursuing an associate in arts degree.