My Southern Friend in Room 808B

by Edilene Del Valle

It was not another typical day at Carolina Rehab Center, as I went straight to room 808B to visit a very special friend. When I opened the door, he was waiting for me. Although I noticed he looked little bit tired, he looked happy to see me. Henry Gainey, a special friend to me, has been residing at Carolina Rehab Center for about six years. When I met him last year as I started working in this nursing home, I became interested in his Southern roots and upbringing. As everyone would imagine, he has many stories to share. With his vivid memory, he went back in time to his family connections, social matters of growing up, and educational values that helped to build this great person he is today. Listening to him talk about his culture was an experience that I will never forget.

Henry Gainey was born in February 2, 1945, in Fayetteville, North Carolina. He had four sisters and five brothers. Since I have never seen anyone from his family visit him, I asked about his family connections and if siblings were still alive. He answered, “No, they all died from cancer, and this disease sadly has passed on through generations from my grandparents to my mom and later my siblings.” He continued, “I’m the lucky one, besides losing my left eye when I was eight years old, I’m healthy with few problems, but I didn’t inherit the disease.”

So Gainey, I asked, “Are there any favorite times you had with your family?” He said “Christmas was the time when all my family, sisters, brothers, mom and daddy sat together and decorate a live Christmas tree!” The tree couldn’t be artificial, for it was his family tradition time to connect. He remembered times when his parents would go around searching for a live tree to put in the living room. He brought this tradition into his own family. Though he believes a lot of things have changed since his childhood, Christmas is still the best family time ever. He said his brothers and sisters were so happy decorating the tree that they didn’t even think about the presents. He remembered his mom cooking a lot of food, but the best of all was her “jelly cake.” His mom never told them how she used to bake the cake, for she would say “it is a surprise.” He said, “We were so happy with a plain cake covered with jelly and unfortunately, now Santa Claus had better bring a laptop for Christmas; otherwise, Christmas is not Christmas.”

“Our culture is changing daily,” he said. “Kids no longer respect their parents like before.” I couldn’t agree more! He said that his parents used to give to them daily duties. For example, the girls would clean and cook, and the boys would clean outside. They would have to do it well in order to get their allowance. He explained to me that the way he grew up; he learned how to be disciplined and how to valued money. The same happened with the rest of his family. During our briefly conversation about social matters as he grew up, he said his parents taught him how to pay for his own college and then paid off four cars between ages 22 and 30 --things he doesn’t believe that anyone is concerned about today as he commented, “They are more concerned about getting things and accumulating debts.” In his case, when he decided to go to the university, he had no debts and still he has no debts. I thought that was unbelievable. He agreed and said, “I believe if parents would teach how to value money when they are kids, we would have better economy and more graduates, don’t you think?”

After graduating from college in Fayetteville, he moved to New York City. He started working, saving some money, and applied at the New Jersey City University for its mental health consultant program. He said that he didn’t want to move from North Carolina, but he wanted to pursue his dream and work with young and adolescents with mental issues. Between school and work, he met his wife. In six years, he finished his degree program, got married, and decided to move back to N.C. I asked him if he thinks that he could have accomplished everything he wanted if he was 22 years old again. He said, “I grew up in a family that doesn’t believe in debts, so the answer for your question is that I would have accomplished all my goals. Yet, I don’t believe that today people are serious about education like I was.” I thought he had a very interesting point of view because he was raised believing in education and he knew that going to school was the way to reach his goals. As he continued to say that nowadays, people are “fighting to keep their culture and values alive,” I approached him with a controversial topic and added my point into our conversation, “American culture is getting mixed, larger, and diverse.” Gainey agreed with me that there are more immigrants now than before. I asked if he likes the idea of having a more diverse America. He said sadly, illegal immigrants are taking more opportunities of what our land offers rather than true Americans and it feels that true “Americans” are forgetting to fight for their culture.

In conclusion, this was one of the best conversations I have ever had with Mr. Gainey as I called him “My Southern Friend in room 808B.” I have learned from a true Southern, as time passes us by, that it is important that each of us maintain our family connections, true values, beliefs, and more importantly our culture, so we can pass on to generations that are to come.

Work Cited

Gainey, Henry. Personal interview. 29 Jan. 2011.


Note: Edilene Del Valle (who was born in San Paulo, Brazil, and now lives in Fayetteville, NC) is majoring in health and fitness science at Sandhills Community College.